Not sure what to do

Not sure what to do

At this point, I really have no other option that to type out everything on my mind. I’m in a room full of people and, somehow, I’m blocking out everything around me and it’s just me and the keyboard. 

 

I have no freakin’ idea what I’m going to do. Stay, go, stay and go, seek something new. Too many damn options that I have no right to complain about, but it’s not fear, but having to disappoint someone that I don’t want to disappoint. Am I really ready for a two-year commitment to my job, or am I needing so badly to return home and gamble. All of it just to pursue a career in radiography. I know I want to do it, but really, I’m frustrated to the point where I don’t want to just want to think about it anymore. 

In the end, what should I is the question I ask myself everyday and I have less than one month to make that decision. I just want to get to school already. I want to start going back and, more importantly, I want to to just to know what I’m going to do. Is it risky that I’m going back to school? Of course, but what isn’t at this point? I’m ready to come back and just do everything I can to ensure that I am going to become something great. I have a connection into the industry of radiography and I’m glad that my time in Circle K wasn’t wasted. Hopefully things pan out and I become a radiographer.

If not, there is another option that has come along in recent times and that’s to seek an MBA in Sports Management. What the hell do people with MBA’s in sports management do? Well, they can represent athletes. They market sports-related products. Anything in the sports world that is business related, I can take care of it. Too options are great, but too many to the point where you don’t know what you want to do is almost mortifying.  I just need to know what to do, because I want to do so much in my life and I just wish I had enough lives to do them all. I became a sports journalist, did most of the things I wanted to do, but in the end, I’m just not having fun anymore. I feel like I’m in a rut a mere one-year after I secured a job. Is that so wrong? Or is it the fact that I’ve been relegated to designing pages, writing gamers and doing one or two profiles from time to time. The enterprise stories I want to do have no leads or ends. They’re just there, with no sense of importance to write. They’re not screaming to me to write them.

Even after I finish writing this, the decision making process will remain. The room full of people still annoy the shit out of me and I just want to answer the questions in my head. The worst thing of this all — in the end, it’s still so lonely.