“What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure.” – Samuel Johnson
Posts tagged Work
So when I’m stressed…
Feb 10th
I tend to write. Go figure. It’s a sad state of affairs. I truly will always write even when I don’t want to write no more.
That is. Until at this very moment.
I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve, though I can hide it when I utterly have to. Right now? I’m livid. I’m pissed. I’m not happy. I’m miserable. And it makes me feel terrible.
Let’s put it this way: When I screw up, I’m not feeling good. I hate “losing” and each failed day at work is considered a “loss.” One mistake is a “loss.” Even when it’s not fully my mistake. I hate the feeling and I never want it again.
I’m short and to the point.
There are so many other things on the mind right now. Maybe I’ll write about them another time. But all things in the life of Paul Delos aren’t peachy, perfect and ideal. Why am I playing more video games? It’s a distraction from having to deal with the other stuff around me. I’m lucky like that.
Swing highs.
Swing lows.
I got a million ways to get it. Choose one. I’m on to the next one.
Feeling Heat
Jan 24th
Happiness is nothing more than having a short memory
If that was true, then I’d be the happiest person when it comes to work and doing things correctly.
Well, I haven’t.
I’m struggling.
In fact, I’m in a deep slump and it sucks. The fact remains that I can’t seem to have a good stretch for longer than two weeks without some type of mistake or some type of issue is the worst part of it all. The thing is, I’m way better than I’m capable of. If it’s distractions, then I need to clear them. I have an idea on how, but it would be a pretty large step to do so.
I can try and slow down. But even at 3/4 my speed, I still awfully quick. I don’t try and hurry as much any more. I’m starting to slow down. It’s just one of those things, where if I want to go deeper in this industry I have to improve and improve quickly. I keep thinking that I want to leave, but every day I wake up at 11 a.m., I’m reminded that I’m not working. I’m just doing something I like to do, no matter how stressful or how shitty the pay is.
But at this point, I don’t know what more I can do. The harder I try, the more I seem to slip. The more tense I get about doing something right, the more I screw up. I’m not relaxed, which is good and bad at the same time.
Maybe, it’s just temporary. Maybe it’s part of adjustment. Or maybe, I’m just doing what many of my favorite athletes did in the past: Sit on their talent, and never worked on it.
All I know is that when tomorrow happens, I’ll probably would have already moved onto the next thing.